i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
