Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
