Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
