I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
