i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
