The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
