They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
