I need help removing her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize