and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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