Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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