my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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