I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He? As in you personified your dick?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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