very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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