Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
