I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Be still, my beating vagina.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
