Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
