well you can't waste a boner
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
