I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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