I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize