Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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