Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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