Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this just has baby written all over it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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