I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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