ugly people sure do ruin things
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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