So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
