Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
