I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
