Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
