Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
