my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
