Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
