Dual....:-)
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
