just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
