a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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