I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
