All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
