he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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