Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
