remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.