i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.