Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
