U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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