Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
