On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
