Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
