I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
