youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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