You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
