Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
