What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
