Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
