you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
