They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
