Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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