You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
