I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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