So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
