I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
its liver damage thursday
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