mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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