the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
zippers are such a cool invention
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
